Kuo Vadis

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My day as a tourist in Rio de Janeiro.

At some point I decide that I’m going to do all my tourist activities in one day; that I want to live and relax while I’m Rio rather than run around like a tourist. And so I book a one-day tour to see the sights.

I have my choice of places to be picked up. One lies just across the canal at a hostel, and so I choose it as my starting point. I get up, pack my things, and walk over.

The Sunday streets are empty and the hostel itself is just waking up. I sit at a table outside watching as the staff arrive, greet each other, share cigarettes. They wipe down tables and set up inside. We not to each other and I look for the van to arrive.

It’s late. After fifteen minutes I text the tour operator, just as the van pulls up. The driver tells me the guide is running late and I tell him it’s no problem. He asks if I want to wait in the van. I do. He lets me in and I sit and close my eyes.

Kiko shows up shortly after and introduces himself. He tells me there’s a bunch more people to pick up in Ipanema, all staying at hotels along the beach, and so I settle in for the ride.

At our first stop he exits the van to collect his guests. The driver asks me if I want to get out and have a look around. I do.

He accompanies me as I cross the street to the beach. The main street is closed to traffic for cyclists and pedestrians as it is every Sunday and I navigate between them to get to the beach. The driver encourages me to get down off the sidewalk onto the sand and I follow his lead, walking to a trolley of beach chairs waiting to be unloaded.

The other guests are a range of individuals—Amber from Kansas City, though now living in Chicago, a family from São Paulo bringing their kids to Rio for the first time, a couple from Jersey City, a couple from Italy, and a man from Chicago. We introduce ourselves to each other as each new group boards and then we are on our way.

Our first stop is the Mureta da Urca, an area running along Guanabara Bay known for its views of the city. A floating restaurant sits just across the water; Kiko tells us it’s nothing special. Along the way, he recommends two movies set in Rio. One I’ve seen; one is new to me: City of God and Elite Squad.

We drive to the Red Beach, the jumping off point for Sugarloaf Mountain. The beach is mostly empty, though chairs and umbrellas are set up awaiting guests. We can see the cable cars climbing slowly up towards the mountain.

Kiko hands us tickets and ushers us into line for the cable cars. As we file our way through a man poses us in front of a backdrop to take our souvenir photos before we board the car for the trip to the top.

Kiko tells us that a single family owns and operates the mountain. At the top he shows us one of the original cars and reminds us that the location featured in the James Bond film Moonraker. It’s been forever since I’ve seen the film but as soon as he mentions it a memory is unlocked of Jaws fighting Bond, and the goofy ending where he finds love.

Kiko gives us forty minutes at the top to explore. I walk around the small park and pause at various landings for the view. At one point a plane flies low by the mountain on approach to the local airport. It’s amazing to be standing and looking straight across at a plane flying by.

Small animals hang out in the trees and crowds collect to see them and take photos. I contribute to the crowd.

I continue to circumambulate the summit, taking in views from all sides. Rio is a beautiful city, the mountains, beaches, and skyscrapers all contributing to its unique makeup.

At the base of the mountain we meet up once again with the van and drive to the and up the mountain to visit the Christ the Redeemer statue, winding up small roads to get to the top.

Once again Kiko tells us to wait as he gets tickets. We wait in a plaza by a large kiosk selling coffee and snacks with views out over Rio. There’s a steady stream of people in line for the food and crowds bustle about the area. Shops selling trinkets and postcards and other items aimed at tourists line the opposite side.

When kiko returns he hads us each a ticket and leads us to a line for buses that will take us the rest of the way to the top. A cart sells refreshments, perfectly poised to take advantage of a captive audience.

In line, I end up in the middle of the family, between the parents and the kids. I ask them if they want to stand together; the boy shakes his head, happy for the space.

At the top, it’s a zoo. The platforms are smaller than I had imagined and they are packed with people. A service is being held at the base of the statue and people crowd around to listen and participate. Everyone seems to be taking photos of the statue using various techniques. One group has placed their phones on the ground, one propped against the other for a better angle as they crowd around to take a photo of themselves and the statue as if huddling for God.

I shimmied my way to the stairs to the lower plaza. People were everywhere taking photos of the statue, of the view, of each other. It was fun being amonst them all and I had almost as much time watching the crowds as visiting the site itself.

When I managed to get to the end of the viewing plaza I waited while a group of people hung out at the edge, pointing out landmarks and taking selfies. The crowds pushed us all to the edge and soon I found myself leaning against the brick wall with Rio at my feet.

Shimmying my way back to the statue I paused to watch the sermon before walking to the right of the base and heading down the stairs, capturing different angels of the sculpture and shots of the crowd. One man stood, back to his partner, creating his own version of Paul Landowski’s work.

Finding Kiko at the rendezvous point I told him I hadn’t thought about how busy it would be on a Sunday. It’s always crowded, he tells me. It’s not only tourists; Brazilians love coming up here as well.

We take the car back down towards the city and he asks me if I want to have lunch now or after visiting all the sites. We’ll be dropping everyone else off in town; I’m the only one who has booked the full-day tour. I tell him I’m fine doing it after but ask him to ask what the driver wants. After some consultation they decide they’ll drop me off for lunch and spend that time dropping off the rest of the guests before picking me back up.

They leave me at a Brazilian BBQ place complete with a seafood-and-vegetable-laden buffet. Amber decides to join me. She has no plans for the afternoon beyond a vague interest in visiting the botanical gardens. The staff give us discs with red and green on them to flip when we want more meat, but the servers bring the meat around and ask if we want more regardless of which side we have facing up.

Kiko picks me up after lunch and we chat about Rio. I ask him about the Madonna concert in Ipanema and how crazy it was. He tells me he managed to beat the crowds entirely. He took the subway at 22h for the 22:30 concert; it was completely empty as people had left early to camp out. And then he left the concert 30 minutes early.

The concert itself was amazing. He tells me they built a bridge from the hotel across the street to the stage on the beach where she was performing so she could get to and from the venue. Spectacular.

I ask him what’s the number one thing he’d change about Rio if he could. Economic inequality, he tells me, though it’s extremely difficult with the corruption in place. He also laments the bad reputation his city has.

The drive drops us off at the Escadaria Selarón and Kiko leads the way. He tells me of the artist who started the project for himself. Then, as it became more popular he started getting tiles from around the world. Kiko tells me that it used to be more of a neighborhoody thing. I ask him how it became so popular. Instagram.

Kiko gives me time to explore, telling me he’ll be here at the bottom. I climb to the top of the stairs and emerge on a fairly plain street. It’s amazing the energy and buzz that form around this small area of the neighborhood, though a series of bars and restaurants are completely packed just across from the base of the stairs.

We get back into the van and drive to the Catedral de São Sebastião do Rio de Janeiro. Locals aren’t so enamored of the building, compare it to an upside-down bucket. Designed by Edgar de Oliveira da Fonseca based on the Mayan architectural style of pyramids, the cathedral houses the cathedra of the Archbishops of Rio and is dedicated to the patron saint of Rio, Saint Sebastian.

Inside, tall stained glass windows reach from the doorways to the ceilling and a huge cruicifix hangs above the altar. Kiko gives me time to walk around and explore at my own pace.

Outside he points out a statue of Mother Theresa. I’m as enthralled at the reflection of the church in the skyscrapers across the street.

We drive to the Estádio Jornalista Mário Filho Maracana, named after a journalist who helped drive support for the building of it. Along the way Kiko points out the Sahara market. Started by Moroccan immigrants, it’s a popular place for locals to shop. He also points out stage upon which samba schools perform during Carnaval to get judged. He tells me that a king is elected during carnival—always a fat man— and that he is given the key to the city by the mayor. It is said that the king rules the city during Carnival.

We stop by the stadium and get out for a look. There’s a match scheduled at 20h and so the streets will soon be closed. I asked Kiko if he managed to get tickets for the World Cup and he tells me they were too expensive. He did manage to get tickets to Olympics, which he said was very cool.

On the way to drop me off back at my apartment Kiko points out a favela on the hill. It’s the one in which they shot parts of Fast Five, part of the Fast and Furious franchise. I can’t help myself. This is Brazil! 🇧🇷